that I must take the unforsaken road
by falafel90
Summary: Jeremy's dead and Elena's flipped her switch at Damon's request. What happens next? Delena, rated M for upcoming chapters.


When she flips the switch, there's a hollowness in her chest. Her heart, which was screaming agony merely seconds ago, stills in peace. She stops crying and the skin around her eyes dries, tight from her salty tears. For a moment, her mind is blank. Nothing penetrates the emptiness she basks in. She glances up at Damon, noticing the pain behind his eyes, and she can feel something stir inside her, but she pays no attention to the emotions trying futilely to break free.

Minutes later, when the house is in flames, and she stands on the sidewalk, the Salvatore brothers standing beside her, she smiles at the success. She looks at Stefan, then Damon, and finally doesn't find herself suffocating under conflicting feelings. And she must admit, that feels almost as good as forsaking the pain of losing...him.

It stings, somehow, that even after flipping her switch, she can't say his name. She can envision his waxy, unmoving face, and can even remember the smell of his corpse, but she refuses to let herself remember him, the beautiful, lively person he was. She refuses to let his name be tarnished.

She remembers briefly, in passing, Damon mentioning that the so-called switch was something that vampires fooled themselves into believing existed. She wonders if that's why, deep down, she can't think of him, think his name, say it even. Because somewhere deep down, it still hurt.

When Damon tugs at her arm, she walks blankly beside him to the car. It's strange, she notes to herself, that minutes ago, she was screaming, crying, dying, and now...now...

Now she was true to her vampire nature: undead. Living, but not really. Not fully. Just existing.

* * *

"Elena, how are you feeling?" Damon asks quietly, pouring himself a glass of bourbon. She stands, staring into the fire, her arms crossed over her chest. She can feel the heat radiating towards her, and the safety she once felt while she stayed at the boarding house doesn't elude her. She licks her lips, and smiles at him.

"I'd be better if you'd pour me some of that," she says seductively. Rather than waiting for her own drink, she takes his and downs it in one shot. She wipes her mouth on her sleeve and slams the glass down on the coffee table. Throwing herself on the couch, she smirks at him.

"I bet you like this Elena," she says, running her fingers softly over her collarbone. She doesn't feel anything, really; not for Damon, or Stefan, or even for herself, but she can recall his hands on her body, and suddenly, the thought consumes her. "She's not afraid to go after what she wants," she mumbles. Her eyes are dark, and Damon raises an eyebrow.

"We're not doing this, Elena," he says, rolling his eyes. "The minute your switch is back on-and it will be, sooner rather than later-you'll slap me for sleeping with you when you're not in your right mind." She can tell he's attempting to be cool, composed, for her, but she's sure it's a facade. She makes it her goal to crack it.

"Don't you love me?" she whispers, sliding her fingers down slightly lower, just between her breasts. "Don't you want to make me feel better after such an awful tragedy?"

"Aren't all tragedies awful?" Damon says sarcastically, sitting beside her. She moves close to him, placing her hand on his thigh. He looks at her hand evilly, but does nothing to stop her. Elena smirks.

"You didn't answer my question," she breathes out, and he says nothing. She studies his face carefully, and even though she can feel no sympathy for him, no empathy, she can still see the woe etched in face. Wrinkles plague his brow, and ache dances in his eyes. When he turns to look at her, she can tell he's struggling. To take care of her, to take care of himself...to take care of everyone, really.

"Do I have to?" His voice is raspy, and though the words are crisp with Damon's perfect annunciation, they cloud her mind. "Isn't the answer obvious?" he whispers, somewhat annoyed, and she's not sure if it's directed at her or himself.

"You can't answer a question with a question," she says matter-of-factly, raising her hand a little higher on his thigh.

"And you can't care with that little switch of yours flipped, so why the fuck does it even matter?" he says swiftly, giving her an exhausted look.

"I don't know," she says, moving her hand. And in truth, she really doesn't. She remembers the feeling of being in love, of being in love with him, but it's distant and hard to grasp. "I guess it doesn't. I guess I just..."

"What? Wanted a decent lay?" The words are harsh, and so is the glance he shoots her. She's slightly taken aback, even if it doesn't bother her as much as it once would have.

Maybe because it's true.

(It was too fun not to mess with him. The old Elena would frown at her right now-not that she cares about that stick in the mud.)

She doesn't say anything, but his cool expression cracks like she wanted, and he runs his fingers through his hair. He looks at her once more, then gives her a kiss on the forehead.

"Just...go to sleep in one of the guest rooms...when you get tired," he says. When he walks out, she waits for him to look back.

He doesn't.

* * *

She wakes up to Stefan sitting beside her in bed. She fell asleep in one of the guest rooms, just like Damon requested (she wonders momentarily if that was a sire bond trick or simply because climbing into bed with him after that conversation would have been nightmarish). She looks at him, raising an eyebrow, and he sighs.

"Are you alright? Damon should have never told you to..." He can't even finish the sentence.

"Don't be stupid, Stefan," she replies sleepily, closing her eyes. "If he hadn't, I would be crying my eyes out right now like a pathetic baby." She hears him sigh again, and she bites back a scoff.

"Crying is human," he says shortly. She groans.

"Well, it's a good thing I'm not one of those, then, right?" She grins, opening her eyes again. "And I have you to thank for that one, don't I?" She knows the impact the words will have on him, but they slip from her lips easily. He doesn't say anything, and she continues. "I was, to say the least, rather shocked by that turn of events." She feels him stiffen beside her, and she rubs his back.

"Oh, there, there, Stefan," she says dramatically. "You were just doing what I asked you to do, weren't you?"

"Like a damn fool," she hears Damon say, and she turns, seeing him in the doorway. "But let's not hash that out again, shall we?" he says sarcastically. "I thought we all made our peace with that little nugget of truth."

Stefan rolls his eyes, while Elena pulls off her covers and stretches. Both brothers stare; Elena, clad in only a lacy red bra and matching underwear, smiles.

"Like what you see boys?" Stefan nearly drools, and Damon glares at her.

"Because we really need another Katherine," he says. She notices his gaze, which is, in part lustful, but there's a hint of pain in there, too. "We need to talk about what the original bitch texted me this morning." He pulls out his phone and throws it to Elena, who catches it easily.

"Silas has escaped the island," Elena reads. "Looks exactly like Shane, be on the lookout." She rolls her eyes, and throws the phone on the bed. She rises and walks toward Damon, rolling her eyes. "And why do we care? The one cure that was available is gone by now, I'm sure. Silas can suck your dick, for all I care at this point," Elena muses. "Or Stefan's," she mumbles, "since he's seeing less action these days." Damon can't help but snort, and Stefan glares, furrowing his brow.

"We care because he'll use Bonnie to bring back all the dead...and you said it yourself last night, that's not a risk worth taking. We need to stop him," Stefan asserts. "You saw Bonnie-I bet you that it was Silas, not Shane that convinced her that this was a good idea." She understands the logic, but Elena still doesn't see why she should care.

"It's not like he's after us," she says, playing with her hair.

"Elena, don't you see?" Damon says, sighing, frustrated. "He'll bring back every vampire we've ever killed, every vampire who's tried to kill you, or Stefan, or me...and if that's not enough for you," he says angrily, "I want you to do it. For me." Elena knew what he was doing; the sire bond, unfortunately, still overpowered her decision making skills.

"Fine. But I can play dirty, too," she says suspiciously. Turning towards Stefan, she grabs his crotch, squeezing his package lightly, and kisses him hard on the mouth. She feels him react beneath his jeans, and she smiles against his lips. When she pulls away, she sees the scowl present on Damon's face.

"Did you want that, Damon?" she says snarkily. "Because last time I checked, I still had some semblance of free will." He growls and she grins.

"Looks like someone's jealous," she whispers, walking towards Damon and putting her small hand on his broad chest. "Should have taken me last night."

When she saunters out of the room, he mumbles, "We've got to get her to turn that switch back soon." His voice is a little desperate, a little shaken.

Stefan, oblivious, eyes wide, replies, "I think she's okay for now."

"Dick," Damon mutters under his breath, wandering out of the room himself.

* * *

Her shower is the most peaceful one she's had in years. She can't remember the last time she didn't stand under the spray, worrying about her friends, pondering her feelings for both brothers, and sulking over the misery that her life had become. It felt good to simply feel the water against her skin, the cold tile against her feet, the warm air surrounding her.

She thinks about the past few days and is in awe of just how much had taken place. She thinks of the lost cure, the rise of Silas, his death-even the loss of her house, her childhood home and her safehaven. She thinks of Damon's pained eyes, and Bonnie's crazy eyes, and Stefan's worried eyes, and Caroline's enraged eyes, and she wonders what her eyes would show if she could see them. Unfeeling, she suspects. She's not sure she ever wants to see that, even if it is true.

* * *

"Well, how is she?" Caroline's voice echoes through the house, and Elena, wrapped in a fluffy white towel, stands in the hallway listening closely to the conversation.

"She's...she's not...she's..." Stefan stumbles for words, but she hears Damon come to the rescue.

"She's dead inside," he says, and Elena can tell he's trying diligently to exude the same lack of emotion she does naturally now. "She's nothing like herself."

"She...she kissed me," Stefan says, and though he says it to prove Damon's point, a hint of pride is clear in his voice.

"Don't get on your high horse," Damon remarks. "She'd kiss vampire Barbie here if she thought it'd benefit her in some way; that's the curse of that stupid switch." Elena knows he's right, but she still smiles at his loyalty.

"Do we just let her...fall apart?" Caroline says, and Elena can detect the worry in her voice.

"I think we're letting her survive," Damon says. "She would've fallen apart without this vampire miracle button."

"He's right," Stefan says, "even if I hate to admit it."

"She'll be okay," Damon says softly. "It'll just take time. And with the help of the sire bond, I know we can get her back." He pauses ruefully at the phrase 'sire bond.' "She needs this right now."

* * *

After she's dressed, she skips down the stairs with her lips pursed and a twinkle in her eye.

"I need fresh blood," she says to the three vampires who were only just talking about her. Damon folds his arms, and Stefan nods.

"I'll get you a blood bag from the basement." Before he even takes a step, however, Elena's standing in front of him, blocking his way.

"Oh, sweet, innocent Stefan. You know that's not what I meant." Her voice is saccharine sweet, almost poisonous, and Caroline interrupts.

"You're not snacking on the locals, Elena."

"I'll snack on whomever I want, Caroline."

"Damon!" Caroline nearly shouts, and Damon shrugs.

"What do you expect me to do about it? I'm not her babysitter," he retorts. Elena smirks, and Caroline scoffs.

"Well, use your sire bond! She'll end up killing anyone she sinks her teeth into with her switch flipped! Humanity is just gum stuck to the bottom of her big bad vampire shoe!"

"Sometimes I don't think you realize how dramatic you sound," Elena states. She looks at Caroline, whose forehead is creased with worry, and she tilts her head, biting her lip with a small grin. "You're the same old Caroline you've always been; if it weren't for the inability to age, I'd suggest acting as a perfect career."

Caroline takes a step back, a frown forming on her face, and she puts her hands on her hips.

"Just...figure out what to do with her." There's a flash of blonde hair and suddenly Caroline's gone.

"Now, who's up for a little flirt and feast?" She walks over to Damon and pushes her body against his. "From what I've seen, you're always...up for the occasion." She can hear Damon swallow, and she knows her subtle sexual connotation was not lost on him.

"No," Stefan says, but Damon shakes his head.

"If I don't go with her and make sure she doesn't pull a Chicago era Stefan, she'll just sneak out at night when neither of us can take her down if she starts bleeding her victims dry..." His voice wavers, and Elena knows she's got him in the palm of her hand.

"Perfect," she whispers, running her hand down Damon's chest. "It'll be just like Halloween all over again."

* * *

Author's Note: This is my first Delena fanfic, and I'm hoping you guys like it. :) The title is from the song Mowgli's Road by Marina and the Diamonds, and if you haven't heard it, definitely give it a listen because it's fantastic. If you're interested in previews for upcoming chapters, Delena goodness, etc., you should check out my Tumblr! My name is nina-smolderhalders, if you'd like to take a look. I'll get the next chapter up soon, hopefully sometime this week, so stay on the lookout!


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